Feasting
I have always loved food.
From the time I was a little girl, food has been delight, nourishment, adventure, and comfort. Our family’s traditions are deeply connected to specific foods and shared meals.
I enjoy learning about food, trying new foods, and offering care through food. One of my earliest memories is of me standing in our backyard garden, wearing my dad’s oversized white t-shirt, eating raw broccoli and chives straight from the dirt-warm plants.
I get excited about trying foods from different cultures. We say, “Curries are comfort” in our household, with Indian foods being a favorite.
I’ve always felt that eating is more than eating. It’s remembering, gathering, connecting, and celebrating.
Feasting is at the core of our celebrations.
Two of our family’s favorite feasts are Thanksgiving Dinner and leftovers the next day after hunting for our Christmas tree.
Our annual Seder Dinner is a feast remembering God’s deliverance of Israel and Jesus as our Passover Lamb.
We have four Christmas feasts:
• Traditional Swedish meal with Eric’s side of the family
• Waffle and egg bake with Eric’s side of the family
• Shepherd’s meal (charcuterie) Christmas Eve, Eve with our children
• Raclette with my side of the family
Birthday feasts include meals of choice, sometimes at home, sometimes at a restaurant.
Weekly dates often involve a favorite meal.
Sunday after-church meals feel like mini feasts.
Weddings, baby showers, graduations, and anniversaries are all times to celebrate with feasting.
I love any excuse for a feast. They bring people together!
I see Scripture full of meals, feasts, and shared tables.
Jesus’ first public miracle was at a wedding feast. (John 2:1-11)
Passover was the last meal Jesus ate before His death. (Matthew 26:17-29)
We will feast with our Lord in eternity. (Isaiah 25:6, Revelation 19:9)
Psalm 36:7-8 says, “How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights.”
When feasting becomes complicated
I first remember being self-conscious about my love for food when my grandparents took me out to Taco Bell as a 8-year-old. I remember getting several items, downing them with delight, and my grandpa exclaiming, “Wow, this girl sure can eat.”
I wondered: “Is that okay? Do I eat too much for a girl?”
In high school, I spent many hours in front of a mirror for dance.
I often felt guilty for my big appetite and pressure to be thinner. On the outside, I ate a balanced diet and seemed to have a healthy relationship with food.
Internally, I was in a constant battle.
I felt guilty for eating fats; culture told me they were something to avoid. This was back when bagels were in and butter was out. I felt angry with my big appetite and what I thought was lack of self-control.
One time, a friend suggested we chew up Oreos to satisfy our craving, but then spit them out before swallowing so we didn’t take in the calories. I tried that, but ultimately it didn’t satisfy me at all, and I just felt silly.
I shared my struggle with one close friend, but otherwise kept it to myself, secretly battling a war I didn’t know how to win.
I carried this struggle into college. I learned there that I was not alone in my battle with food and body image. Many girls were struggling, many with eating disorders. I cried out to the Lord for help and freedom.
Learning to receive food again
I got married at 19.
As I learned to be a homemaker, I began to celebrate my love of food instead of feeling guilty for it. I cooked big breakfasts with eggs, veggies and healthy carbs, salads for lunch, and dinners of soups and homeade bread.
My husband and I discovered Indian and Thai food together, trying new flavors and spices. We embraced food-centered traditions from both sides of our families and started new ones of our own.
I still struggled with body image issues and feeling at home in my body. Pregnancy, childbirth, and painful experiences in my marriage added layers to my struggle with seeing my body clearly. However, the internal battle with food slowly eased.
Eventually, I began to listen to my body, receive food with joy, and celebrate my need for nourishment.
Fast forward to age 42.
We welcomed our youngest daughter into our family through non-biological kinship foster care. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and found myself struggling to eat.
I lost a significant amount of weight. I became the lightest I had been since early marriage. On the outside, I looked lean and healthy; internally, I felt exhausted, weak, grieved, and scared.
Our foster care journey brought out stories in me, parts of me that needed attention and care, eventually leading me to both medical and therapeutic support.
That care made room for me to bring starving parts of myself to God’s table of feasting. (That image still surprises me when I sit with it.)
Coming home to my body
This inward nourishing of exiled parts of me and my story coincided with an external weight gain of over 20 pounds in a short period of time.
A remarkable thing happened during this difficult season and the work of God’s Spirit through counseling care.
I felt at home in my body. Truly at home in my body. As is, as was, with 20 pounds of extra.
I was able to acknowledge the circumstances that led to my weight gain with compassion and care, letting go of anger towards myself.
I was more than a number, More than a size.
I was human.
My humanness meant I wasn’t perfect. My humanness meant I was struggling with anxiety. My humanness meant my body put on weight. And in this, I was beautiful to God.
He loved every part of me, and I could love me too.
I no longer feel guilty for feasting.
Feasting on food reflects something deeper, receiving from God.
God created us to feast. We feast on His Word that is sweeter than honey. We feast on His faithfulness. We taste and see that the Lord is good. We can come to His table and enjoy every delight imaginable.
He longs for us to join Him at His feasting table!
What does feasting look like in your life?
Do you feel joy or guilt after feasting?
Pause and consider how Scripture begins with humanity in a garden and ends with humanity at a wedding feast.
Join me for my next post as I share my journey with fasting.
